Don’t mind me if I do

SSG

Click to read SSG’s bio

After a very emotional week, I am happy to report that today (last night, really) was the first nightmare-free night in what felt like the first time in forever.

I feel like breaking up in song like Anna of Arendelle.

I woke up and it was so weird that at first I couldn’t identify the feeling. It wasn’t until I got off the bed shortly after waking up when it hit me. Continue reading

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Lines and Colours

SailorIn my mind, I am normal. This is because I live with me twenty-four seven (OK, not always twenty-four seven because some of those hours I am asleep).

I have BPD. In the past, I never realised that I feel emotions more easily, more deeply, and for longer than others do. I thought the intensity of my emotions was normal. Turns out, it’s not. I read somewhere that in non-BPD people an emotion typically fires for 12 seconds. In BPD’ers it can last up to 20 percent longer. BPD’ers emotions also repeatedly re-fire, or re-live, or recur, however you want to say it, so emotional reactions occur for even longer. I do. I go over and over and over the emotions, pinging from one to another like a steel ball in a pinball machine. Continue reading

When I Realised What I Do is Good

SailorThere are some things you may already vaguely know about me.  My real name is Carrie and I have an alternate personality whom I call Charlotte (not to mention the poor guy, Jack, in the back ground who hardly gets a say in anything).  I live in the UK near London, by the sea.  I am almost 30 years old.  I suffer from depression, I have recently been diagnosed with Emotional Dysregulation Disorder (the new name for BPD) and have lived with a host of psychiatric conditions since I was a child. 

I am also a Veterinary Nurse. Continue reading

Chicken, Eggs, And Alphabet Soup

RubyI actually began thinking about this yesterday, after reading something by our newest blogger, James Claims.  His post, Comorbid Migraines and Other Health Issues, as well as the comments it generated, started me writing in my head.  Then I read another post by our ManicMusesAbilify and Agoraphobia?, and since I couldn’t sleep for the thoughts doing a tumbling routine in my mind, I decided I should write it all out and share it with you (you’re welcome).

In James‘ post he mentioned migraines specifically.  In ManicMuses‘ she spoke more about anxiety disorders. Continue reading

Who’s Feeling Homicidal? I Am, I Am!

AlwaysLast month, ManicMuses wrote about irritability and how she deals with it in her first post, Irritability – My Special Compass Point.  I have to say that I applaud her for having a plan in place for when this flag is thrown, and I am also incredibly envious, because I rarely visit irritability-land, I go straight from being calm to being filled with murderous rage.

Case in point.  My aunt is in town this week. Continue reading

Serious Internet Anxiety Can Be A Seriously Bad Development

RubySo it seems that this is my latest trigger for panic.  Being online.  My initial thought was that I took on too much too quickly, but even just cruising news stories, which I used to love to do, makes me want to swallow high doses of Xanax.

Still I blame PTSD.  Does it make sense in any way?  Not especially.  Does anything about PTSD make sense in any way?  Not lately, not in my life. Continue reading

What Brings Me Here

AlwaysWhen Ruby told me about this project, I have to admit I wasn’t very ready to jump in.  It’s been a long time since I blogged.  But the more we talked, and the more she explained to me about what she and Lulu were trying to do with this blog, the more my interest was piqued.

I don’t keep a blog anymore.  I keep a journal, but that’s because I like to keep my thoughts as my own. Continue reading

Something Real For All Of You

RubyI have dealt with Bipolar Disorder for a very long time.  I have dealt with many other things, some of them for much longer.  But I have to say, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) has been the most confusing and difficult of everything thus far.

I’m not up to rehashing the causal incident for this right now.  It’s buried in various posts from my personal blog, but I have to do some serious organization there. Continue reading