World Suicide Prevention Day 2016

Click to read Cate’s bio

Click to read Cate’s bio

Trigger Warning:  As indicated by the title, this post discusses suicide.  Not graphically, and not in detail, but if you find the topic triggering you may choose not to read this post.

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Suicide (and suicide prevention) is not something I choose lightly to think about, or even write about. It is “My Scary Place”. But I’m going here because this is

Too important not to write about.

 
Continue reading

One Of These Things Is Not Like The Others

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 This post contains discussion of chronic suicidal thinking. There are no actual suicides described or images.  Please read at your discretion.

 

Cate

Click to read Cate’s bio

I was sitting in the office of my Pain Management Specialist.  Also in the office was a medical student.  I know most people don’t like medical students sitting in on appointments, but I don’t mind.  They have to learn about the patient’s perspective somehow, and because in New Zealand their exposure to mental health, as part of their training, is so small, I think it’s vital that they get all the exposure they can get. Continue reading

Gathering up the ocean in my arms

WeeGeeWhen Ruby asked me if I’d like to contribute to Canvas I was excited. As in really excited. As in ‘I’m a bit bouncy and excited’ excited. I bounced around for a bit, being all excited and then it started to dawn on me that if I wanted to write something for Canvas I’d actually have to sit down and write something. If I’m honest I sat down to try and write something quite a few times. I’ve always been a perfectionist. And I’ve always been struck by the irony that when you’re a perfectionist there is no such thing as perfection. Continue reading

Preparations

RubyI have to go see my psychiatrist today.

Which means I have to do some work, prepare myself like I haven’t in a long time, not since I ended things with my last doctor almost two years ago.

Back then it was pulling myself together, checking the anger and rage I felt towards him for the ECT thing, ending the relationship cordially, making my exit like a lady. Continue reading

New place, new luck

the qiuet borderlineHello everyone,

I wish that I could have posted earlier to speak with all you and keep updated…

But here I am.

After seven years of living abroad and three of those being very sick, I have returned to England to see how it goes here starting afresh again. I have been back for just over a week. Continue reading

When You Reach The End Of The Road

Ruby

It finally happened.  Officially, I mean.  I’ve reached the end of the line.  After six-and-a-half years of extremely intensive psychiatric treatment, the first fiveish with an incredibly bright, creative, thinking-outside-of-the-box younger doc; the last year-plus with a man long experienced in the mood disorder game (not to mention numerous consults along the way), it has been made manifest.

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Once More Unto The Breach, Dear Friends, Once More. . .

Ruby

“I’ve Just Wakened Out Of A Nightmare”

Exactly one year ago today, I filed the above post on my personal blog, I Was Just Thinking. . .  It was remarkable for many reasons, but the major one was it detailed what had happened to me two days prior.

On March 3rd, 2012, I went to bed in the midst of what had been a severe, protracted mood episode.

On March 4th, 2012, I woke up and I was well. Continue reading

Medication Sensitivity: It’s In Your Genes

DeeDee newIn October I had genetic testing to evaluate medication sensitivities. This sort of testing only looks at a few specific parts of your DNA, the bits known to affect the way you metabolize a lot of medications, including most psychoactive drugs. It’s usually covered by insurance when prescribed – even for MediCare, as a matter of fact. There are a number of different testing providers and test structures; I had a full panel test against several classes of drugs.

I had hoped to get this testing since I heard about it. I’m fed up with constantly experimenting with drugs at the cost of my stability and productivity. Continue reading