Should I, Or Shouldn’t I?

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In a perfect world, all doctors would know that people with psychiatric issues are regular humans, just like everybody else.  They would not look at our diagnosis, our health history, our med list, and automatically assume that we are drug seekers.  They would not automatically write off our symptoms as being “psychosomatic.”  I use quotes there, because the word “psychosomatic” means that the mind is causing a disorder that is expressed by the body.  I happen to be of the school of medicine that believes that virtually all physical illness is caused, ultimately, by imbalances of body chemistry that are initiated in the brain; therefore, all illnesses are “psychosomatic.”  And guess what, folks: they’re real illnesses. Continue reading



RubyI have to go see my psychiatrist today.

Which means I have to do some work, prepare myself like I haven’t in a long time, not since I ended things with my last doctor almost two years ago.

Back then it was pulling myself together, checking the anger and rage I felt towards him for the ECT thing, ending the relationship cordially, making my exit like a lady. Continue reading

The struggle

the qiuet borderlineHi everyone,

I haven’t posted in a long time and my last post was extremely positive. Unfortunately I have truly crashed since then.

I have treatment resistant depression, BPD, AvPD and OCD. Sometimes I wonder if they’ll add any more diagnoses to my list. Continue reading

Overwhelmation: A Post on Physical Illness and Mental Health

alicecardsAnyone who has read my other blog knows I’ve been struggling through Pneumonia.  Anyone that doesn’t read my blog now knows as well, although really, you should go over there.  I’m just saying.  Anyway, while I have been able to see the humor in sickness and the medical profession, I felt it important to express that there is much more to being physically ill, especially when this is coupled with another illness, depression. Continue reading

Stop Looking At My Brain!

RubyA long, long time ago. . . (okay, two months, but right now time is relative), I wrote a post about diving into the world of looking for a new psychiatrist (It’s Time To Say Goodbye).  I sort of had it in my head that I could write posts about my search here on Canvas.  This would be the first, because my moods went off the map and I subsequently slipped off of the radar temporarily.

I’ve had two appointments with one doctor, and one with another.  I also have a consult scheduled in January with a third.  But before I get much further into to how things are going, I should probably just get my views out here.  They’re pretty crucial to understanding my experiences and this post. Continue reading

It’s Time To Say Goodbye

RubyTomorrow, two p.m., I have an appointment with my psychiatrist.  It will be my last.

Those of you who have kept up with my personal blog know that we have had other last appointments before.  But this one will be IT, because I have decided I cannot ever trust him again (he manipulated me into ECT and my own personal Hell ensued), and he has decided he wants to take on a less complicated caseload.  Simple, even ‘less complicated’ doesn’t apply to me in any aspect of my life. Continue reading