My heart weeps

SSG

Click to read SSG’s bio

Hi here. It’s been a while. Let’s me dust a little…

Ah, that’s better.

I haven’t posted or visited anyone’s blogs in weeks (months?). It is no that I have writer’s block. I have SO much to say. But every time I try, the world just choke in my throat so after staring at the empty New Post window, I just close it and go somewhere else.

It is the most bizarre thing.

I am happy. Probably the happiest I’ve ever been. Here in Lansingland, I have a beautiful backyard with a big pond with many geese -I counted 62 at some point, three blue herons, about two dozen mallards and plenty of little birds, including sparrows, robins, swallows and starlings. We even have a resident beaver who is building a dam! Continue reading

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What I don’t like about me

SSG
I have two drafts posts here on Canvas [okay, I actually have more than two but those two are… particularly difficult]. I’ve been meaning to finish them for a while. I started one back in May and the other one a bit more than a month ago. I tried again just now. Read the first one, couldn’t bring myself to write anything. Closed that tab, went to the other, felt myself being triggered again. Closed that tab too.

Sigh…

So, I’m going to write about something that has been bothering me for a while instead. Continue reading

As the earth turns

SSGThis year has been… interesting. That’s the understatement of the decade.

See, the problem is that I am a person that feels deeply. There are many terms for the kind of person I am, depending on the field. You know, burden bearer, empath, things like that.

I am a scientist. Okay, was a scientist. But my mind still thinks like one. So, as some of you know, I am not given to esoteric, mumbo- jumbo explanations. If anything, I am an skeptic of sorts. But the fact is that I – indeed, feel deeply, even beyond what one would consider normal. Continue reading

Say Hello to Dina Leah!

Soul Survivor new

Click to read Laura’s bio

You’re cordially invited to Dina Leah’s coming-out party.  You might have met her before, but she is painfully shy, and has had to be earnestly convinced to reveal her true identity.

You see, Dina Leah’s life has been tough, and she’s got a lot of fears.  One of them is being discovered by her mother, who was terribly cruel to her as a child, and continues to be cruel whenever she gets a chance.  So Dina is terrified that her mother would somehow find her (she does know how to use Google), so Dina has built layers of pseudonyms around herself, in an effort to insulate, to build a wall around her identity. Continue reading

When Do I Make the Call?

DeeDee newEveryone tells me I hold out too long. I don’t ask for help often enough or soon enough. I tell them that I don’t know when to ask; they don’t seem to understand.

I’m learning to recognize when things are going awry and when what I’m feeling should be considered “unacceptable” because it’s suffering, not pain. I’ve accepted, at least at an intellectual level, that everyone needs help sometimes, including me. That’s been no easy task. Continue reading

The Ethic of Reciprocity

Gravatar… also known as the Golden Rule. I’m sure it is nothing new to you. It is a very old rule. Throughout history, philosophers, psychologists, religions and societies have worded the rule in many different ways. But the basic and very simple truth behind it remains unchanged when it comes to living in peace and equality with one another. Continue reading

The Not So Great Pretender

GravatarI had ideas for my first Canvas post. I wanted to tell you something good and inspiring. A grand entrance of sorts into this forum. But … I don’t have anything like that to give at the moment.

I could pretend and write here as though I am someone brave. I could write like I am a great conqueror of my own mind and offer you all of my solutions.

But right now … right here … why should I pretend? Lately, if I am tired of anything, I am tired of pretending! Continue reading

When I Realised What I Do is Good

SailorThere are some things you may already vaguely know about me.  My real name is Carrie and I have an alternate personality whom I call Charlotte (not to mention the poor guy, Jack, in the back ground who hardly gets a say in anything).  I live in the UK near London, by the sea.  I am almost 30 years old.  I suffer from depression, I have recently been diagnosed with Emotional Dysregulation Disorder (the new name for BPD) and have lived with a host of psychiatric conditions since I was a child. 

I am also a Veterinary Nurse. Continue reading