It comes out of nowhere

SSGSigh.

Here we are again.

Remember this: I’m NOT flaky?. Written almost a year ago.

Nothing has changed. But I found myself feeling the bite this week more than usual.

The reason, a series of non-related FB statuses. Continue reading

Advertisements

I Needed to Know This

CateThere are some things that I think should be compulsory on the learning agenda of every child.  It would contribute considerably to the chances of that child arriving at adulthood with their mental health intact.  Of course, it’s easy for me to say. I don’t have children.  Right now I don’t even have fur-kids, but I was a child, and I know that if I had learnt some things earlier on in life it might have helped me in establishing my self-esteem and my sense of having a right to be on this planet.

I was eight years old when I came face to face with the school bully (or one of them).  I was walking home from my best friend’s house after playing with her after school. Continue reading

Say Hello to Dina Leah!

Soul Survivor new

Click to read Laura’s bio

You’re cordially invited to Dina Leah’s coming-out party.  You might have met her before, but she is painfully shy, and has had to be earnestly convinced to reveal her true identity.

You see, Dina Leah’s life has been tough, and she’s got a lot of fears.  One of them is being discovered by her mother, who was terribly cruel to her as a child, and continues to be cruel whenever she gets a chance.  So Dina is terrified that her mother would somehow find her (she does know how to use Google), so Dina has built layers of pseudonyms around herself, in an effort to insulate, to build a wall around her identity. Continue reading

Desperado Dad

GravatarMy Beautiful Girl,

I hope you know the depth of my love.
The lengths I would go to for you.
The things I would do to protect you.
The things I would do to provide for you.
The way my heart aches at what the world could do. Continue reading

Craving a Different Energy

vivien This past Tuesday, a lovely woman named Sarah reached out to me over e-mail.  Sarah, like me, is a US ex-pat trying to find her way in Europe.  And, she has bipolar disorder.  One of the topics we spoke about was whether there was any longing on my part to actually feel again, without the emotional flatline bipolar meds cause.  I answered in the affirmative, answered a few more questions she asked and hit send.

Several hours after I left the computer for the day, I found I was still thinking about Sarah’s question. Continue reading

Did you get to work this morning?

alicecardsDid you get to work this morning?  Then you accomplished a monumental feat.  Does that sound crazy?  I mean, you get up and go to work.  Simple, right?  No.  In fact it takes several steps.  If you are depressed, or even just plain tired and burned out, each step is a hurdle in itself.  Here’s an average overview of my morning.

6:00 A.M. The alarm goes off.  You have to crawl out of bed.  Out from under the warm covers.  Don’t hit snooze, it will only make it worse. Continue reading

Fear of Death

GravatarMy Fear of Death and Depression

Health problems and the fear of dying caused anxiety and triggered my depression …
I remember sitting in a car outside a Medical Clinic, scared beyond any other memory, as I opened a letter to hear if the scan had found a brain tumor.
I remember one year later (my wife 7 months pregnant with our third) being told to lay still on the hospital bed as the nurse tore off the ECG printout and ran to the hallway calling, “He’s having a heart attack!” Continue reading