The Immeasurable Value Of A Good Sense Of Direction

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Today, 10 October 2013, is designated World Mental Health Day by the World Health Organization (WHO). They have picked for the theme this year “Mental health and older adults”.  This is an excellent topic, one I hope to read many posts addressing.  It is also one I cannot address on a personal level, at least not in the way I think it is intended.

Thing is, I don’t really write posts unless I can write them with some amount of personal involvement.  I could, but this isn’t like churning out a middle school essay.  For me it’s much too intimate and important.  So perhaps this one I can flip around a little, as the WHO has so kindly given me phrasing which is easily manipulated for my purposes.  “Mental health and older adults”. . . Continue reading

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Explanations And Understanding

RubyI have stuck my feet back into the vast ocean of blogging.  All the way up to the ankles, though the waves seem to be hitting mid-calf more and more.

When I announced my blogging hiatus, I made it complete.  I had already begun a bit on a hiatus from all personal social media.  At least that’s what I intended it to be.  In fact, I’ve decided not to reactivate my fb account, not even a little.  I’m both happier and healthier without it.

But that leaves me with a massive dilemma, bigger in every way than the one I recently wrote about. Continue reading

Hide and Seek

CateThis feels a little like my first day of school when I was five, which I loved.  I was so happy to finally be with the bigger kids.  I had wanted to start school a year before, when my brother started, but of course I wasn’t allowed.  But finally I got there.

This is of course, my first post for Canvas, and that is equally exciting.  I’m not 100 per cent sure quite what to expect but I know some of the ‘kids’, and am very happy to be here.  This has been something I have wanted to do for a while, but the time wasn’t quite right.  Now it is, and so I’m here.

I do something a little different from most bloggers.  I use my own name. Continue reading

Say Hello to Dina Leah!

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You’re cordially invited to Dina Leah’s coming-out party.  You might have met her before, but she is painfully shy, and has had to be earnestly convinced to reveal her true identity.

You see, Dina Leah’s life has been tough, and she’s got a lot of fears.  One of them is being discovered by her mother, who was terribly cruel to her as a child, and continues to be cruel whenever she gets a chance.  So Dina is terrified that her mother would somehow find her (she does know how to use Google), so Dina has built layers of pseudonyms around herself, in an effort to insulate, to build a wall around her identity. Continue reading

Is this what getting better mean?

SSGAnxiety.

I am having frequent anxiety attacks.

An entirely new thing to me. I even blogged about it last year. Or maybe it was a comment on someone else’s blog? I don’t remember. But the sentiment was one of gratitude for never having experienced those crippling moments. Continue reading

Lines and Colours

SailorIn my mind, I am normal. This is because I live with me twenty-four seven (OK, not always twenty-four seven because some of those hours I am asleep).

I have BPD. In the past, I never realised that I feel emotions more easily, more deeply, and for longer than others do. I thought the intensity of my emotions was normal. Turns out, it’s not. I read somewhere that in non-BPD people an emotion typically fires for 12 seconds. In BPD’ers it can last up to 20 percent longer. BPD’ers emotions also repeatedly re-fire, or re-live, or recur, however you want to say it, so emotional reactions occur for even longer. I do. I go over and over and over the emotions, pinging from one to another like a steel ball in a pinball machine. Continue reading

When You Reach The End Of The Road

Ruby

It finally happened.  Officially, I mean.  I’ve reached the end of the line.  After six-and-a-half years of extremely intensive psychiatric treatment, the first fiveish with an incredibly bright, creative, thinking-outside-of-the-box younger doc; the last year-plus with a man long experienced in the mood disorder game (not to mention numerous consults along the way), it has been made manifest.

Continue reading

The tragedy of Mental Illness

SSGI lead a good life.

I have all my needs covered. I have a roof over my head. I have food. I have clothes.

I have the perfect job for me. One that has allowed me to avoid the hell that is fighting the disability board.

It allows me to work from home -on my PJs, mostly playing on social networks. If I’m too tired (not your normal tired but the chronic fatigue kind of tired), I can take a two hour nap in the middle of the day to recharge. Continue reading