To my fellow Artists …

GravatarLately I have been feeling the weight of not contributing to Canvas as much as I had originally planned. Even on my own blog I have barely had the time or energy to sketch, post and read updates from others. But not posting on my own blog burdens me less for some reason.

I keep quiet mostly about my illness, a stupid male pride thing. But on Canvas I found a means to express and share – partly to help myself process some thoughts and feelings and also in the hope I may be able to help others in some small way by sharing.

“The aim of art is to represent not the outward appearance of things, but their inward significance.” ~Aristotle

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Desperado Dad

GravatarMy Beautiful Girl,

I hope you know the depth of my love.
The lengths I would go to for you.
The things I would do to protect you.
The things I would do to provide for you.
The way my heart aches at what the world could do. Continue reading

When You Reach The End Of The Road

Ruby

It finally happened.  Officially, I mean.  I’ve reached the end of the line.  After six-and-a-half years of extremely intensive psychiatric treatment, the first fiveish with an incredibly bright, creative, thinking-outside-of-the-box younger doc; the last year-plus with a man long experienced in the mood disorder game (not to mention numerous consults along the way), it has been made manifest.

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Hair Cuts and Detachment

Hair Cuts and Detachment

GravatarI know I have depression. I know I am introverted. I know I have generalized anxiety with a good dose of SAD. I know these well at certain times. One of those times is when I get my hair cut. Here is an account of my latest visit to “Aldos”. Continue reading

“Dog”

GravatarFor something different, I thought I’d share a personal reflection on a piece of music that has become quite special to me.

The song is called “Dog” (by Andy Bull) in reference to the well known Churchill euphemism for depression. I first heard it as I was driving home from work in 2010. The words of this song rang so true for me … and it was the beginning of the realization that there are people who understand how it is to be me. Continue reading

Fear of Death

GravatarMy Fear of Death and Depression

Health problems and the fear of dying caused anxiety and triggered my depression …
I remember sitting in a car outside a Medical Clinic, scared beyond any other memory, as I opened a letter to hear if the scan had found a brain tumor.
I remember one year later (my wife 7 months pregnant with our third) being told to lay still on the hospital bed as the nurse tore off the ECG printout and ran to the hallway calling, “He’s having a heart attack!” Continue reading

The Not So Great Pretender

GravatarI had ideas for my first Canvas post. I wanted to tell you something good and inspiring. A grand entrance of sorts into this forum. But … I don’t have anything like that to give at the moment.

I could pretend and write here as though I am someone brave. I could write like I am a great conqueror of my own mind and offer you all of my solutions.

But right now … right here … why should I pretend? Lately, if I am tired of anything, I am tired of pretending! Continue reading