Ten Years Gone

Ruby

 

Dont fall down now

You will never get up

Dont fall down now. . .

~ Everclear, ‘Strawberry

My problem is I always get up.  That may cause some cognitive dissonance on the part of the reader.  I mean, arent we supposed to keep getting up, to keep fighting, in my own words, to keep advocating until we are. . . . Continue reading

What Depression Is

Sid

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Not just depression, but anxiety, insecurity, and self doubt.

Needing to be there for the one you love when they need your support, but being unable to be of any help because of your own miserable mental incapacities, and loathing yourself for it, leading to deeper depression and even less ability to be there for them. Continue reading

Learning as I go

SSG

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I have a tinnitus.

But of course, it is me so it isn’t as simple as that. Mine is bilateral, which is not all that uncommon. But what I hear on one ear is not the same as what I hear on the other. The tones are different and so are the volumes. Which effectively makes it two tinnitusses (tinniti?). Continue reading

Don’t mind me if I do

SSG

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After a very emotional week, I am happy to report that today (last night, really) was the first nightmare-free night in what felt like the first time in forever.

I feel like breaking up in song like Anna of Arendelle.

I woke up and it was so weird that at first I couldn’t identify the feeling. It wasn’t until I got off the bed shortly after waking up when it hit me. Continue reading

Hello 2015

SSG

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Yeah, yeah, I know it’s March already. But I was basically incomunicada. For more reasons than one.

But! I finally have internet at home!

So, I’m back…

Barely.

WordPress looks completely different. It took me a few moments to find my way back to Canvas from my personal blog.

For those of you not familiar with my saga, I am just emerging like a cicada, after three months of the most unreal and not believable crap you can ever think of. In Windsor, Ontario. Continue reading

Self worth

Sid

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The good news is that I’m 46 years old, have a home, have a job, have two beautiful daughters, have the most wonderful fiancée, and have my whole life in front of me.

The bad news is that I’m 46 years old, live in a smallish flat only, have only a part-time job and no career, am not much of a father to my children, have repeatedly failed my wonderful fiancée, and have an entire life of further failure to endure.

Now there’s a glass half full/half empty scenario if there ever was one, right? Continue reading

My heart weeps

SSG

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Hi here. It’s been a while. Let’s me dust a little…

Ah, that’s better.

I haven’t posted or visited anyone’s blogs in weeks (months?). It is no that I have writer’s block. I have SO much to say. But every time I try, the world just choke in my throat so after staring at the empty New Post window, I just close it and go somewhere else.

It is the most bizarre thing.

I am happy. Probably the happiest I’ve ever been. Here in Lansingland, I have a beautiful backyard with a big pond with many geese -I counted 62 at some point, three blue herons, about two dozen mallards and plenty of little birds, including sparrows, robins, swallows and starlings. We even have a resident beaver who is building a dam! Continue reading

Breaking Down The Walls Of “Can’t”

Ruby

Alright, kids, confession time.  I have been feeling incredibly sorry for myself recently.

Oddly enough, it was another person validating all I have been going through this year, telling me I’m not getting all worked up over nothing, that I have had it incredibly rough that snapped me out of my funk.  This person was trying to help me, they said sometimes we all feel sorry for ourselves, we can’t help it.

This is absolutely true.  And I have been dealing with — let’s just keep things short and say a whole lot of crap Continue reading