I find myself absolutely and completely demotivated as of yesterday. In one of my worse hermit modes too. Don’t want to see people, don’t want to talk to anyone, don’t want to shower and get dressed, don’t want to leave my cave.
Such a stark contrast with the day before yesterday (and the previous two weeks). And while this time around the reason is a no brainer, I have had to deal with this annoying mood switching all my life.
It would seem like I only have to modes, super excited or super indifferent/hermit.
My base line mood has always been indifferent. A flat line. Go through the motions. Smile. Be nice to others. Do what you have to do (but do it well).
OK, that is not entirely true. I’m sure it was not always like that. I remember being a happy little girl. but ever since that damned, blasted, life-changing event back when I was 6 my mood became very flat.
Sure, there are times -especially when I get a new project, when I am super excited. I want to do things. I feel like going out. I would even almost dare to call it hypomania. Except that, no matter how excited I am, I always need more-than-normal amounts of sleep. hyperthymia, perhaps? Whatever. This mood doesn’t last long and it doesn’t happen very often.
And then, there’s the times when not only my mood is flat but I become completely disinterested in the world. I hate human contact. I hate noise. I hate chattering. I hate sunlight. I can’t even listen to music. Music! I know I am in trouble when I don’t want to listen to music. Or when I don’t want to dance.
Oy With The Poodles Already!
I don’t want to feel this way.
* My daughter and I are big fans of The Gilmore Girls and very often will quote them on our every day conversations
Update (15-08-13): Since posts on Canvas are scheduled, what I refer to as yesterday in my first paragraph was actually Sunday. As of today (Thursday) my mood hasn’t improved much but I did have a very uncharacteristic -for me, bout of anger yesterday . Holy cow. I was kind of scared of such anger. It’s resolved and gone now so the flat line is back. Sigh
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