Preparations

RubyI have to go see my psychiatrist today.

Which means I have to do some work, prepare myself like I haven’t in a long time, not since I ended things with my last doctor almost two years ago.

Back then it was pulling myself together, checking the anger and rage I felt towards him for the ECT thing, ending the relationship cordially, making my exit like a lady. Continue reading

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Lines and Colours

SailorIn my mind, I am normal. This is because I live with me twenty-four seven (OK, not always twenty-four seven because some of those hours I am asleep).

I have BPD. In the past, I never realised that I feel emotions more easily, more deeply, and for longer than others do. I thought the intensity of my emotions was normal. Turns out, it’s not. I read somewhere that in non-BPD people an emotion typically fires for 12 seconds. In BPD’ers it can last up to 20 percent longer. BPD’ers emotions also repeatedly re-fire, or re-live, or recur, however you want to say it, so emotional reactions occur for even longer. I do. I go over and over and over the emotions, pinging from one to another like a steel ball in a pinball machine. Continue reading

Desperado Dad

GravatarMy Beautiful Girl,

I hope you know the depth of my love.
The lengths I would go to for you.
The things I would do to protect you.
The things I would do to provide for you.
The way my heart aches at what the world could do. Continue reading

New place, new luck

the qiuet borderlineHello everyone,

I wish that I could have posted earlier to speak with all you and keep updated…

But here I am.

After seven years of living abroad and three of those being very sick, I have returned to England to see how it goes here starting afresh again. I have been back for just over a week. Continue reading

An Important Note On Blog For Mental Health 2013

RubyPlease, everyone:  If you want to be included on our Blog For Mental Health 2013 Official Blogroll, and have your post shared by us via facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest, you must leave a comment on the page with a link to your Blog For Mental Health post specifically.  Make sure to read the original Blog For Mental Health 2013 launch post, it explains the concept behind this project and gives you an idea of what your post should contain.

I really want to include everyone, but a comment on the blogroll page with the link to your Blog For Mental Health 2013 post is necessary for this (just a link to your site doesn’t help me!). Continue reading

When You Reach The End Of The Road

Ruby

It finally happened.  Officially, I mean.  I’ve reached the end of the line.  After six-and-a-half years of extremely intensive psychiatric treatment, the first fiveish with an incredibly bright, creative, thinking-outside-of-the-box younger doc; the last year-plus with a man long experienced in the mood disorder game (not to mention numerous consults along the way), it has been made manifest.

Continue reading

Coming Out

RubyAn important note from Ruby:  These words are not my own.  I did not write this piece.  I may wish (very much) that I had, but this is something written by Cate Reddell, who has an amazing gift with not just how she puts her words together, but how each one of them is imbued with her beautiful voice, and her beautiful conviction.  Some of you may be familiar with Cate’s blog, Infinite Sadness… or hope?  If you aren’t, have a look, it is well worth your time.  

We’ve never done any “guest posts” on Canvas, and that’s not what this is meant to be at all. Continue reading

The tragedy of Mental Illness

SSGI lead a good life.

I have all my needs covered. I have a roof over my head. I have food. I have clothes.

I have the perfect job for me. One that has allowed me to avoid the hell that is fighting the disability board.

It allows me to work from home -on my PJs, mostly playing on social networks. If I’m too tired (not your normal tired but the chronic fatigue kind of tired), I can take a two hour nap in the middle of the day to recharge. Continue reading