Sooner or later, friends and significant others get tired of your moods. And it’s not like I can blame them. I know that it can be very difficult to deal with seeing someone you love (or at least like) going through the difficult patches.
I am also not saying that people should stay in abusive relationships because they know that what’s causing a person to be abusive is his/her mental illness.
But even when we’re not being abusive, we are sometimes difficult to be friends with. I am not even going to talk about romantic relationships for now. Just the friendship ones.
In my case, I can only imagine how hard it is for my friends to be around me when I’m depressed. It has to be hard to be around someone who always look on the verge of tears. Or doesn’t want to talk. Or doesn’t reciprocate their friendship efforts.
When I’m at my darkest moments, I simply hide from the world.
And I find that when I’m finally ready to come out of my cave again, most casual friends would have moved on. There’s always a core of friends who always remain, of course. Two of my friends from childhood. A handful of friends from Med School.
But none of those friends are here in Canada with me.
A few years back, I met someone who I thought had made it into that core. She said many times she considered me a sister. We told each other all the time we loved each other.
Some time around the summer, I noticed she was not returning my phone calls, text messages or FB posts. The summertime was incredibly difficult for me as I was going through a very stressful situation so I let it slip. I would still text her every two or three weeks to ask her about her life. Sometimes I’d get a polite answer, sometimes I’d get nothing.
A couple of months ago, I got together with a mutual friend. We used to be very close, the three of us. I used to think of us as the Three Musketeers. We had many adventures together, had a lot of fun together. I asked the mutual friend what had happened.
He apologized for betting so out of touch with me. He blamed it to having a girlfriend and being very happy with her. He said he didn’t even hang out with my best friend -my sister, that much either. But he also said there was definitely something going there but that he was not a liberty to say what it was.
Since I knew my friend had had a very traumatic experience during the summer, I thought I’d wait a little bit longer. We even met a couple of times and I never stopped inquiring about her life. It was always the same, a polite answer here and there but nothing more.
Today, I finally got the courage to ask her what was it that I had done to her to make her stay away from me.
Her answer: “You didn’t do anything. I got tired of having a very one-sided relationship”
It makes me incredibly sad that she thinks I wasn’t there for her at all.
I mean, I am sure I wasn’t there for her a couple of times. I know I’ve been very depressed this year. I know that back in the spring, she wanted to get together twice or three times and I couldn’t. But I didn’t think it was that bad.
Most of all, I wish she had told me how she felt instead of let it fester. Now she’s not even replying to me.
There goes another friendship on account of mental illness.
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