Requiem for [yet another] lost friendship

SSGWhen you deal with mental illness, you get used to seeing a lot of people you care for steer away from your life.

Sooner or later, friends and significant others get tired of your moods. And it’s not like I can blame them. I know that it can be very difficult to deal with seeing someone you love (or at least like) going through the difficult patches.

I am also not saying that people should stay in abusive relationships because they know that what’s causing a person to be abusive is his/her mental illness. Continue reading

The struggle

the qiuet borderlineHi everyone,

I haven’t posted in a long time and my last post was extremely positive. Unfortunately I have truly crashed since then.

I have treatment resistant depression, BPD, AvPD and OCD. Sometimes I wonder if they’ll add any more diagnoses to my list. Continue reading

The Ethic of Reciprocity

Gravatar… also known as the Golden Rule. I’m sure it is nothing new to you. It is a very old rule. Throughout history, philosophers, psychologists, religions and societies have worded the rule in many different ways. But the basic and very simple truth behind it remains unchanged when it comes to living in peace and equality with one another. Continue reading

All the King’s horses & all the King’s men

8064_496679147024768_811360542_nIt seemingly comes as a surprise that when my thoughts are expressed in a disjointed manner, when my ramblings do not make sense, when my prose is aloof and fractured that some are instantly alarmed, as though Bipolar disorder is a condition in name only, without any visible repercussions and when I am told, that I am nonsensical, that my writing is drunk as though composed on a liquoured whim, it is expressed with genuine surprise, a dog eared memory attached of the old me, pausing for it to be fixed accordingly and the words to be reprimanded and put back in their correct, sensible order. Continue reading

The Not So Great Pretender

GravatarI had ideas for my first Canvas post. I wanted to tell you something good and inspiring. A grand entrance of sorts into this forum. But … I don’t have anything like that to give at the moment.

I could pretend and write here as though I am someone brave. I could write like I am a great conqueror of my own mind and offer you all of my solutions.

But right now … right here … why should I pretend? Lately, if I am tired of anything, I am tired of pretending! Continue reading

Medication Sensitivity: It’s In Your Genes

DeeDee newIn October I had genetic testing to evaluate medication sensitivities. This sort of testing only looks at a few specific parts of your DNA, the bits known to affect the way you metabolize a lot of medications, including most psychoactive drugs. It’s usually covered by insurance when prescribed – even for MediCare, as a matter of fact. There are a number of different testing providers and test structures; I had a full panel test against several classes of drugs.

I had hoped to get this testing since I heard about it. I’m fed up with constantly experimenting with drugs at the cost of my stability and productivity. Continue reading