This post was inspired by, and is dedicated to, my very dear friend Ruby. She has been facing some severe difficulties recently, as described in her post I Am Disabled. But she isn’t the only Canvas blogger having a very rough time lately. Lulu, James Claims, and Manic Monday have all hit their own major bumps and dips in life lately, which you can read in their own words, on their own blogs (respectively, As the Pendulum Swings, James Claims, and Manic Monday).
But in any case, the title of the post comes from a quote, a song lyric Ruby posted on her Facebook page: “And I’m not the girl that I intend to be, But I dare you, darlin’, just you wait and see.” ~ Sara Bareilles
I love this quote so much, because I don’t happen to be “the girl that I intend to be,” either. The life I lead now is one that I appreciate and enjoy, but it isn’t all I aspire to do. I do the best I can in life with what and where I am now. So in that sense, I am every bit that girl.
But I want so much more for myself. Like Belle in Beauty and the Beast, I want adventure in the great wide somewhere. I want to live in Rome for a month or five years. I want to see the Pyramids in Egypt and the ruins in Athens and Carnival in Rio, to start. And I want to detail on paper ever moment of it all. Do I want a family? Maybe. But it isn’t something I want to plan my life around. And traveling by camel is difficult with an infant, I imagine.
This post is turning almost silly, I think I should have stopped writing two paragraphs ago. Because another great quote is, “To dream of the person you would like to be is to waste the person you are.” ~ Anonymous
The quotes are not exact analogues. And there is little to “waste” when you are in the very intense stages of a mixed manic-depressive experience (back to Ruby, where I started). Yes, getting through it shows your strength, but you are hardly in a place to stop and appreciate that fact at the time.
So take both quotes, place in a brown paper bag with some seasoning, and shake vigorously. Now tell me in the comments what you came up with.
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