It was the best of times and it was the worst of times

SSGWell, hello there.

I have been very absent from Canvas in the last few months.

For those who don’t follow my blog or never quite made it there in a while, here’s the skinny. I was an inpatient at a mental health unit for three weeks in September/October 2013. From there, I was referred to a four-week Day Hospital program that kept me quite busy. Continue reading

What I don’t like about me

SSG
I have two drafts posts here on Canvas [okay, I actually have more than two but those two are... particularly difficult]. I’ve been meaning to finish them for a while. I started one back in May and the other one a bit more than a month ago. I tried again just now. Read the first one, couldn’t bring myself to write anything. Closed that tab, went to the other, felt myself being triggered again. Closed that tab too.

Sigh…

So, I’m going to write about something that has been bothering me for a while instead. Continue reading

It comes out of nowhere

SSGSigh.

Here we are again.

Remember this: I’m NOT flaky?. Written almost a year ago.

Nothing has changed. But I found myself feeling the bite this week more than usual.

The reason, a series of non-related FB statuses. Continue reading

As the earth turns

SSGThis year has been… interesting. That’s the understatement of the decade.

See, the problem is that I am a person that feels deeply. There are many terms for the kind of person I am, depending on the field. You know, burden bearer, empath, things like that.

I am a scientist. Okay, was a scientist. But my mind still thinks like one. So, as some of you know, I am not given to esoteric, mumbo- jumbo explanations. If anything, I am an skeptic of sorts. But the fact is that I – indeed, feel deeply, even beyond what one would consider normal. Continue reading

Oy With The Poodles Already*

SSGI find myself absolutely and completely demotivated as of yesterday. In one of my worse hermit modes too. Don’t want to see people, don’t want to talk to anyone, don’t want to shower and get dressed, don’t want to leave my cave.

Such a stark contrast with the day before yesterday (and the previous two weeks). And while this time around the reason is a no brainer, I have had to deal with this annoying mood switching all my life.

It would seem like I only have to modes, super excited or super indifferent/hermit. Continue reading

Is this what getting better mean?

SSGAnxiety.

I am having frequent anxiety attacks.

An entirely new thing to me. I even blogged about it last year. Or maybe it was a comment on someone else’s blog? I don’t remember. But the sentiment was one of gratitude for never having experienced those crippling moments. Continue reading

The tragedy of Mental Illness

SSGI lead a good life.

I have all my needs covered. I have a roof over my head. I have food. I have clothes.

I have the perfect job for me. One that has allowed me to avoid the hell that is fighting the disability board.

It allows me to work from home -on my PJs, mostly playing on social networks. If I’m too tired (not your normal tired but the chronic fatigue kind of tired), I can take a two hour nap in the middle of the day to recharge. Continue reading

Intelligence and Mental Illness: A beautiful Mind Is a Terrible Thing to Waste

SSG

Brilliant mind - depression meme

Scumbag Genetics meme


It has been said that a beautiful mind is a terrible thing to waste. And yet, it would seem like every day I live is just one step closer to wasting this mind of mine. Continue reading