Did you get to work this morning? Then you accomplished a monumental feat. Does that sound crazy? I mean, you get up and go to work. Simple, right? No. In fact it takes several steps. If you are depressed, or even just plain tired and burned out, each step is a hurdle in itself. Here’s an average overview of my morning.
6:00 A.M. The alarm goes off. You have to crawl out of bed. Out from under the warm covers. Don’t hit snooze, it will only make it worse. Get up. You have to get up. No one else is going to do this for you. No, you don’t have any more sick leave, and you aren’t actually sick either. Just crawl out. Come on now.
6:05 A.M. You’re still there. Get up. You are losing time. This is just going to make it harder. Get up. Getupgetupgetup!
6:10 A.M. Okay, yay, you are on your feet. Now you have to find clothes. Go to your closet. Perform the checklist.
1) Did you do laundry last night? Or ever?
2) Do any of your clean clothes fit? Do any of them match?
3) Will the clothes protect you from the elements, including weather both outside and inside your office?
4) What possessed you to buy that? It’s horrible.
6:15 A.M. You still haven’t selected clothes. No, you can’t give up and go to bed. Pick something. Quit staring at your closet. Just grab something. Anything. Well, not that. You’ll look like a freak.
6:20 A.M. Oh, hooray, you have on clothes. No socks or shoes, but we’ll get to that. Now it’s time for breakfast. What to eat? Doesn’t matter if you aren’t hungry now. You will be later. You have to eat. Another checklist.
1.) Did you go grocery shopping this weekend? Or ever?
2.) Is there something in the refrigerator that isn’t either expired or growing new life?
3.) What’s the easiest thing to fix? Cereal. Milk, cereal, bowl, spoon.
4.) Do you have any cereal? Or milk? Or clean bowls? Or spoons?
5.) Do you have the money for McDonalds? Or the time? Wait – are those Poptarts? These are okay. There are vitamins in them.
6:30 A.M. Eat breakfast. Hurry up. Don’t take so long looking a the internet while you eat. There’s still stuff to do. Like socks and shoes. Oh, and what was the other thing? Kids. Oh, right.
6:35 A.M. Wake up children. Get sucked into bed with them. Cuddle. Try to wake up children again. Motivate them. You want to get up because – school! Fun! Yeah, I’m full of crap, just get up.
6:45 A.M. I meant get up, GET UP NOW! Stop crying. We don’t have time. Just get up and get dressed! No, you can’t wear your capris, it is 20 degrees outside. Where are your shoes? All you have is snow boots? Fine.
6:50 A.M. Those kids. Can’t find anything. Where are my socks? Or shoes? Or glasses? Or coat? Or purse?
7:05 A.M. Kids dressed. I find most of missing objects. You still have to brush your hair, kids. Wait, so do I. And make up. Do I have time? Do I have the energy? Probably not. Skip it. Do brush the hair and teeth though, that’s too much.
7:10 A.M. No, we don’t have time to watch a silly youtube video. Okay, just one.
7:20 A.M. Kids, did you eat? Well, go eat something. I don’t know, a granola bar. What do you mean there aren’t any left? There was a box – that’s empty. Right. Hey, there’s Poptarts. Eat those.
7:25 A.M. We must be out the door to beat traffic. Two schools to drop kids off at, then to get to my own workplace. No sweat. We’re making good time.
7:30 A.M. Your shoes. Where are your shoes? Don’t forget your coat. You have three. Where is one coat? Get your band instrument. Get in the car. Get in! Oh, I have to unlock it. Okay. Hey, there’s frost on the window. Die frost fairies, die!
7:35 A.M. Leaving the driveway. Headed for School Number One. Turn around. Pick up forgotten backup.
7:40 A.M. Headed out again. School One. One kid sings, other yells. Drop off first child. Now to just . . . okay, so I’m stuck as car after car passes.
7:45 A.M. The car with the twenty stick figure children stickers on the back window has finally departed. I am free! Now to get to the other side of town with older child. Listen to her panic as she is certain she will be late and there will be all sorts of trouble for this.
7:50 A.M. Record time! Possibly speeding record time. Drop off second child. Have pretend struggle about letting go, just like in Titanic. Finally push her out. Now to just get out of here. Car passes. Another car passes. A bus passes.
7:55 A.M. I am on my way to work. Stoplights. I hit every. single. one.
8:00 A.M. At work! Find a parking place! Fortunately I still have the lung disease placard and so do not have to park 1 mile away. When it runs out, I’m totally screwed.
8:05 A.M. Run, don’t walk inside. Ignore chiming clock tower. You will not turn into a girl with rags. Your clothes are bad enough already.
8:05 A.M. Make it up to your office. Collapse in chair. Is it time to go home yet?
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