Just like that

SSGHere I am, making breakfast, kitties around me, listening to the chirping of the birds and feeling content.

As I get the sliced bread out the bag to put it in the toaster, I think that I should put a slice on the balcony for the birds like I used to do in Colombia. I think of the last place I lived in my home town   All the birds that came to feed and take a bath in the early morning and that makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

I see the birds with the eyes of my mind, their beautiful colours, their lovely chirping and that makes me smile. I feel happy.

And then, bang! My memories quicky shift.

FLASHBACK

Bad feelings.

Kidnapping.

Guns.

Fear.

Anxiety.

Pain.

Tears.

LET ME OUT. LET ME OUT. LET ME OUT.

.

.

.

.

.

I take a deep breath.

I look at the kitties at play.  I’m in Canada. I’m safe.

The toasts are ready. Coffee is ready.

OK. Let’s have breakfast then. The fear is gone, but the anxiety remains.

It’s going to be a hard day.

© Summer Solstice Girl and A Canvas Of The Minds 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Summer Solstice Girl and A Canvas Of The Minds with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. This work is protected under a Creative Commons Attribution-Non-Commercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

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14 thoughts on “Just like that

  1. Time heals all wounds, and I believe this is true if you’re in a safe place. So spread your wings and fly. Your only worry should be not to fly too close to the sun and not to have too much fun. God Bless!

    • So they say. And to a certain extent, it has, yes. But some of my traumas go as far back as almost 40 years and they are still very much alive.

      I agree with the spreading my wings and flyings. I’ve certainly tried to do my best in that regard. I can still appreciate the beauty of the world. But every now and then the bad memories sneak up on me

  2. They sneak up at the most annoying times…I hope the nasty memories stay away and the only thing that follows you today is the image of those birdies in your garden and the cats meowing around your feet as you make breakfast ((hugs))

  3. ((Hugs)) those flashbacks are so sneaky. Maybe we should invent a spray to keep them away…..glad you were able to pop back into THIS life, even if it is a little shaky right now.

    Love,
    Dina

  4. Yes! I hate unwanted memories, and also fears for the future. I’ve been really ill lately with Pneumonia, and I’ve had a lot of time to lay there and think . . . and think . . .

    It sounds like you’ve been through a lot. I hope it gets better. I will find you some cute bunny pictures to go with your birdy images. I also have a pony, but he’s sad, so I’ll find a happier one.

    • oh, dear. Pneumonia is not good. Hope you are not in too much pain. Make sure you take good care of yourself. Taking antibiotics is not without unwanted side effects.

      Why is your pony sad? I love bunnies wabbits too

  5. I can relate and empathize with this honey, flash backs are indeed one of the worst and hardest things to deal with, as they hit with no warning, nothing, just bang and there it is right there as though it was happening all over again. I have no words of wisdom that will make them go away, I have no words to tell you that they get easier to deal with because they don’t all I can offer is my support, and hugs, and to tell you that your not alone, although your feeling so alone and want to be right now ((hugs)) Angel

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